my rebellious phase?

I'm not sure since when it started.
But i realized this happened to me recently.

i am not the type of person that can express my feeling.
maybe we can called it introvert?
many of the times, i keep everything to myself instead of throwing it out.
but deep down my heart, i want to let everything out in any of the way!
something stopping me, but i'm not sure what.

go under the shower is the best way to calm down myself.
simply camouflage my tears of breaking down.
a form of massage from the shower can ease your tensed mind.
seriously, it works!

i would'nt want to go against anyone if possible.

***

i wish to be a good daughter sometimes.

i wish to be a person with better tolerance level.

i wish to be a person with no anger.

but things just don't come my way!

i couldn't take it when someone just bla on me! even a mini, tiny thing.

i don't want to explain, i don't find any good reason to explain.

it just screwed my day for no reason...

stop talking.

stop giggling.

stop joking.

and 

stop eating my favourite food!

it became a bit awkward when i am in real silence..

millions of things will be running through my mind..

you may either see..

my dead face

or

rivers running down eyes

the worst case,

i will start shouting.

in my whole entire life,

so far i've shouted for once.

and that really put me into a real trouble when i want to fix up everything!

i am fighting so hard within myself!

i have to follow the road, no choice but fight hard to make myself adapt to it.

.